![]() Must go and find loads of kryptonite.Īntiques Dealer: Of course you must, dear. Future stuff.īatman: No! Louis Lane crucial yet pointlessly endangered… it’s unthinkable. Mysterious Time Traveller: Louis Lane something something something investigative journalism something. And a file on Ambush Bug, Bouncing Boy and a guy who can speak to fish! What force could stop such a stupendous gathering of might?Īntiques Dealer: OK. ![]() (Exeunt Lex and Finch, pursued by tropes)Īntiques Dealer (who looks nothing like Wonder Woman, honestly): Hmm, computer files. Passing Antiques Dealer: Ooh look, a mainframe. Senator Finch: I’ll get back to you on that. Can I borrow any DNA you happen to have lying around? Lex: But Superman is a threat to humanity with his. Senator Finch: Not when we have guests, Lex. (During the Lexcorp Annual Bar-mitzvah, Eid celebration and fundraiser) That Washington Post has really gone downhill since Watergate.Ĭlark: Good girl. You know, the ones which inexplicably no one else has noticed. I suppose I’d better go and expose the numerous villainies of a criminal mastermind. Say, do I have a meaningful role in this one?Ĭlark: Something something something investigative journalism something. Louis: Your glasses have melted again, Clark. (Batman and Alfred wander off, ignoring plaintive whining about alternative plot-lines) looks like the kerpowee! days are over, robin SCENE TWO: THE DAILY PLANETĬlark Kent: That Batman! He’s a threat to humanity with his powers, his intervention in our affairs and the villains he attracts. Robin: Holy tragic imagery, Batman! Am I dead or what? He’s a threat to humanity with his powers, his intervention in our affairs and the villains he attracts.Īlfred (glancing at bat-car, bat-plane, exotic weaponry, souvenirs of insane bat-villains and man in black bat-outfit): Yes, sir. I’m sure I used to be in the Italian Job.īatman: It’s Superman. (Opening montage – Christian Bale in a temper, destroys Metropolis a woman runs across the screen in slow motion, wearing a very tight red Baywatch swimsuit and trying to find an invisible plane) SCENE ONE: THE BATCAVEīatman: I’m getting old and bitter, Alfred – I’m not the man I used to be.Īlfred (looking in bat-mirror): Neither of us are, sir. We may even have been so sober that our eyes hurt and we made all this up… no, commissioner gordon, i’m afraid you’ve got the wrong number Who would have thought that the poison was in her lipstick? But that would have made our review too long, and we cut that as well. We liked the part where Perry Mason turns up as Clark Kent’s editor and then prosecutes the cub reporters for secretly causing the actress’s supposed suicide. the hero they forgot to include (by alex ross) We cut out the moment where Jimmy Olsen’s secret wristwatch signal goes off in the men’s toilets, and three undercover cops grab him. The movie is a bit dark, so we turned up the brightness. Read this, and you’ll believe a bat can fly. Warning: Probably contains serious spoilers. So here’s our review of the new film Batman versus Superman: Dawn of Justice, which we may or may not have seen. ![]()
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